What a Disservice...to men and women.
We talked about this in a recent podcast...but here's the actual text, pulled from one of the 'self-styled pick up artist' sites, ostensibly helping guys get better in their interactions with women.:
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This is posted partially in response to Cavalry's post here. Original version of this post, dated 12/19/05, is on my blog here
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I spent most of last Sunday afternoon doing direct street/mall game with Alchemist, Derek Pankaew and DeepState. While I was showing Derek and DeepState how I stop moving sets, I managed to break down what I did into discrete steps, and I think it's a little different from how most people do it, so I'd like to share it with you guys and get some feedback.
Scenario: HB walking away from you, so her back is towards you.
Step 1: Stop and Turn her
Walk up behind her, stand directly behind her, reach your right hand towards her left shoulder, use the tips of your fingers to firmly but gently pull at her shoulder. She should start pivoting to face you. Fingers, still on her shoulder, keep turning her until she turns 180 degrees to face you.
Critical Parts of Step 1:
- Stand directly behind her when you do the turning. Don't stand off to one side or next to her.
- You MUST turn her a full 180 degrees, not 90 degrees, and that is why you stand directly behind her when you start turning her.
- Release your fingers, drop your hand, and lean your weight onto your back leg (ie give her back her personal space) after she has completely turned 180 degrees. Don't hold on to her shoulder or leave your arm hanging in midair because it will become too intrusive.
- The touch of your fingers on her shoulder should be firm, yet gentle. The masculine touch of a lover. You're not grabbing her and spinning her around. You're guiding her, like a dancer on the dance floor.
Step 2: Direct opener
At this point, if you have done Step 1 correctly, she should have stopped walking, and is facing you. Now, you say "You... ... are beautiful". Feel free to substitue the word "beautiful" with your favorite adjective - cute, sexy, elegant, gorgeous, bootylicious, whatever.
Critical Parts of Step 2:
- Don't say "Excuse me". People say "excuse me" as a way to draw the other party into a conversation (ie, as a pre-opener so to speak). The touch and turn already accomplishes this. Furthermore, the HB is already curious, and "Excuse me" would just break the spell.
- Infuse your opener with the same sort of tone you'd have if you were looking at something out of this world, a kind of breathless wonder. I think Alchemist would call this emotional projection.
- Speak very slowly, very deliberately, and preferably in a low voice.
- Don't shout, but make sure you speak clearly and audibly.
- Pause for maybe 2 seconds between "You" and "are beautiful" as if you are reaching into your soul for the right words. The pause very important because it creates a hook. After you say "You...", her natural curiousity will make her stop. She's wondering, who is this guy, what is he going to say to me? And you pause. And she waits. And you pause a little more. And then you say "... are beautiful".
Step 3: Is she really stopped?
After you deliver your opener, she will usually respond "Thank you". Now you need to calibrate. Is she standing there and waiting for you to say something? Or is she going to turn and continue on her way? If she looks like she might continue walking, introduce yourself. "My name is Jack Daniels". Hold out your hand. She will shake your hand and introduce herself. Don't let go of her hand. Keep her hand in yours (Lance's hand test). I would delay this as much as possible since not knowing your name will create a hook in her, plus you can pull this out later if needed eg to make her stay, or if you overgame her (credit Lance). By the time Step 3 is over, you done with A1 and A2 (Mystery Method).
Step 4: Rapport
At this point, she SHOULD be stopped totally. Immediately continue talking about something situational. Alchemist says to not ask about what they are doing since it will remind them of their previous state. I used to ask something along the lines of "What are doing here" but I changed that to "So how has your week been?". You also want to draw focus AWAY from her looks, so stop telling her how gorgeous she is, how her eyes sparkle etc. Find something about her personality that you like. Throw out a cold read or a qualifier ("You look like a creative person, are you?"). You are now halfway through A3 and starting into C1 (Mystery Method).
Step 5: Anchor yourself
At some point early in the conversation, within the first minute or two, find a wall or a chair or something. Lean against the wall or sit in the chair. It anchors you so that it seems like SHE is gaming you instead of vice versa. According to Mystery, there's some psychological benefit to doing this, but I can't remember what he wrote. In any case, it feels more comfy than standing up, don't you think?
At this point, you're on your own.
Where do you go from here? Well, you are in C1 by the end of Step 5, so you should run your usual rapport stack.
So what's different about what I do? The main differences are in steps 1 and 2, and a little bit in step 3.
The hand on the shoulder starts minor but rather sensual kino and more importantly, intrudes powerfully on her personal space for a very short space of time. The 180 degree turn breaks her state, causes her to stop walking, and establishes your role as the leader. Stopping her completely creates a bubble around both of you because you're standing still in the middle of a crowd of moving people. The pause in the opener creates curiousity and thereby increases the impact of the opener. I've found that all this has made a huge difference in the way girls open up to me. If I break their "going somewhere frame" powerfully, I have found that they are that much more receptive to being social.
Step 3 was basically just my way of playing my last card to get her to stop completely. Short of body tackling her, I don't know how else to stop a girl without coming on too strong.
I've been doing this for a while, but I consciously field tested this on maybe 10 or so girls on Sunday, and 3 girls at lunch on Monday. My results were that 1 girl failed to stop, 1 girl stopped but had to get back to work (her break was over) and all the other girls stopped fully and I was able to engage them.
A short FR that happened yesterday.
I saw a blonde walk by. I tell the guys "Excuse me" and run off after her. Turn her (step 1), open her (step 2). She melts and blushes. Even her ears turn red. She smiles and says thank you. I introduce myself, she shakes my hand, and leaves her hand in mine for maybe 20 seconds before I let it go. I anchor myself against a conveniently located wall. We just talk about random stuff. It's been about 5 minutes, and I need to get back to the guys, so insta-date is out of the question. I day2 and # close her and head off to rejoin the guys.
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Don't worry too much if you don't pick up on all the jargon...the steps and codenames.
Having attended a couple of the programs myself, having met Mystery and seen him at work - what's been so disheartening is to take guys genuine interest to better their lives and to take them down this path - that these techniques act like magic tickets to a woman's heart (or her panties).
It just makes my work all that more challenging. Women who have run into this garbage and getting played become tougher, more cynical, less trusting of guys who come along offering something genuinely intriguing.
'Like the Greatest Ice Breaker I suppose?,' you ask. You bet.
I'm no mr nice guy here - selling puppy dogs on a doormat. I am offering a compelling, REAL ice breaker (as seen successfully done on YouTube, VidiLife, the SinglesPodcastingNetwork and other outlets)...I'm just talking about the woman's shield that becomes ever more toughened by lame, uncomfortable, even confrontational approaches like the one posted here.
We talk of the importance in building comfort, as one of the eight essential components of attraction. Don't sense any comfort in grabbing a woman youve never met, turning her around to tell her shes beautiful.
Guys...you can do so much better. For yourself and a better chance to make an impact that's cool, awesome and meaningful to her.
- Razr
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is posted partially in response to Cavalry's post here. Original version of this post, dated 12/19/05, is on my blog here
-----
I spent most of last Sunday afternoon doing direct street/mall game with Alchemist, Derek Pankaew and DeepState. While I was showing Derek and DeepState how I stop moving sets, I managed to break down what I did into discrete steps, and I think it's a little different from how most people do it, so I'd like to share it with you guys and get some feedback.
Scenario: HB walking away from you, so her back is towards you.
Step 1: Stop and Turn her
Walk up behind her, stand directly behind her, reach your right hand towards her left shoulder, use the tips of your fingers to firmly but gently pull at her shoulder. She should start pivoting to face you. Fingers, still on her shoulder, keep turning her until she turns 180 degrees to face you.
Critical Parts of Step 1:
- Stand directly behind her when you do the turning. Don't stand off to one side or next to her.
- You MUST turn her a full 180 degrees, not 90 degrees, and that is why you stand directly behind her when you start turning her.
- Release your fingers, drop your hand, and lean your weight onto your back leg (ie give her back her personal space) after she has completely turned 180 degrees. Don't hold on to her shoulder or leave your arm hanging in midair because it will become too intrusive.
- The touch of your fingers on her shoulder should be firm, yet gentle. The masculine touch of a lover. You're not grabbing her and spinning her around. You're guiding her, like a dancer on the dance floor.
Step 2: Direct opener
At this point, if you have done Step 1 correctly, she should have stopped walking, and is facing you. Now, you say "You... ... are beautiful". Feel free to substitue the word "beautiful" with your favorite adjective - cute, sexy, elegant, gorgeous, bootylicious, whatever.
Critical Parts of Step 2:
- Don't say "Excuse me". People say "excuse me" as a way to draw the other party into a conversation (ie, as a pre-opener so to speak). The touch and turn already accomplishes this. Furthermore, the HB is already curious, and "Excuse me" would just break the spell.
- Infuse your opener with the same sort of tone you'd have if you were looking at something out of this world, a kind of breathless wonder. I think Alchemist would call this emotional projection.
- Speak very slowly, very deliberately, and preferably in a low voice.
- Don't shout, but make sure you speak clearly and audibly.
- Pause for maybe 2 seconds between "You" and "are beautiful" as if you are reaching into your soul for the right words. The pause very important because it creates a hook. After you say "You...", her natural curiousity will make her stop. She's wondering, who is this guy, what is he going to say to me? And you pause. And she waits. And you pause a little more. And then you say "... are beautiful".
Step 3: Is she really stopped?
After you deliver your opener, she will usually respond "Thank you". Now you need to calibrate. Is she standing there and waiting for you to say something? Or is she going to turn and continue on her way? If she looks like she might continue walking, introduce yourself. "My name is Jack Daniels". Hold out your hand. She will shake your hand and introduce herself. Don't let go of her hand. Keep her hand in yours (Lance's hand test). I would delay this as much as possible since not knowing your name will create a hook in her, plus you can pull this out later if needed eg to make her stay, or if you overgame her (credit Lance). By the time Step 3 is over, you done with A1 and A2 (Mystery Method).
Step 4: Rapport
At this point, she SHOULD be stopped totally. Immediately continue talking about something situational. Alchemist says to not ask about what they are doing since it will remind them of their previous state. I used to ask something along the lines of "What are doing here" but I changed that to "So how has your week been?". You also want to draw focus AWAY from her looks, so stop telling her how gorgeous she is, how her eyes sparkle etc. Find something about her personality that you like. Throw out a cold read or a qualifier ("You look like a creative person, are you?"). You are now halfway through A3 and starting into C1 (Mystery Method).
Step 5: Anchor yourself
At some point early in the conversation, within the first minute or two, find a wall or a chair or something. Lean against the wall or sit in the chair. It anchors you so that it seems like SHE is gaming you instead of vice versa. According to Mystery, there's some psychological benefit to doing this, but I can't remember what he wrote. In any case, it feels more comfy than standing up, don't you think?
At this point, you're on your own.
Where do you go from here? Well, you are in C1 by the end of Step 5, so you should run your usual rapport stack.
So what's different about what I do? The main differences are in steps 1 and 2, and a little bit in step 3.
The hand on the shoulder starts minor but rather sensual kino and more importantly, intrudes powerfully on her personal space for a very short space of time. The 180 degree turn breaks her state, causes her to stop walking, and establishes your role as the leader. Stopping her completely creates a bubble around both of you because you're standing still in the middle of a crowd of moving people. The pause in the opener creates curiousity and thereby increases the impact of the opener. I've found that all this has made a huge difference in the way girls open up to me. If I break their "going somewhere frame" powerfully, I have found that they are that much more receptive to being social.
Step 3 was basically just my way of playing my last card to get her to stop completely. Short of body tackling her, I don't know how else to stop a girl without coming on too strong.
I've been doing this for a while, but I consciously field tested this on maybe 10 or so girls on Sunday, and 3 girls at lunch on Monday. My results were that 1 girl failed to stop, 1 girl stopped but had to get back to work (her break was over) and all the other girls stopped fully and I was able to engage them.
A short FR that happened yesterday.
I saw a blonde walk by. I tell the guys "Excuse me" and run off after her. Turn her (step 1), open her (step 2). She melts and blushes. Even her ears turn red. She smiles and says thank you. I introduce myself, she shakes my hand, and leaves her hand in mine for maybe 20 seconds before I let it go. I anchor myself against a conveniently located wall. We just talk about random stuff. It's been about 5 minutes, and I need to get back to the guys, so insta-date is out of the question. I day2 and # close her and head off to rejoin the guys.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't worry too much if you don't pick up on all the jargon...the steps and codenames.
Having attended a couple of the programs myself, having met Mystery and seen him at work - what's been so disheartening is to take guys genuine interest to better their lives and to take them down this path - that these techniques act like magic tickets to a woman's heart (or her panties).
It just makes my work all that more challenging. Women who have run into this garbage and getting played become tougher, more cynical, less trusting of guys who come along offering something genuinely intriguing.
'Like the Greatest Ice Breaker I suppose?,' you ask. You bet.
I'm no mr nice guy here - selling puppy dogs on a doormat. I am offering a compelling, REAL ice breaker (as seen successfully done on YouTube, VidiLife, the SinglesPodcastingNetwork and other outlets)...I'm just talking about the woman's shield that becomes ever more toughened by lame, uncomfortable, even confrontational approaches like the one posted here.
We talk of the importance in building comfort, as one of the eight essential components of attraction. Don't sense any comfort in grabbing a woman youve never met, turning her around to tell her shes beautiful.
Guys...you can do so much better. For yourself and a better chance to make an impact that's cool, awesome and meaningful to her.
- Razr
posted by StraightRazr at 7:04 PM
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